Struggling Today

A little all over the place, but this is truly how my heart and mind operate together when I'm talking to my Savior:

Lord, I'm honestly struggling today.

I wish I could understand what You had in mind when You made me. I feel like I'm striving, and yet falling short at the same time. My heart feels totally heavy. I feel like I don't like the person I am; like I'm missing something. I'm falling behind in everything. I just feel blue and heavy and blah.

Blah.

I don't want to be crabby. I don't think that's what You had in mind for me. I don't want to yell at my kids.

I want to be better.

Trying to navigate. Reevaluating my expectations...wondering what I'm missing.

What am I doing wrong?

What is it that I want? Why do I not know how to answer that question? I really feel like I don't know sometimes.

Searching my heart is a tiresome task.

Sometimes the differences between flesh and spirit are entwined so close. I find it hard to trust my own opinions. Am I motivated by selfishness, or by Your truth?

I need to revisit the desires of my heart. Lord, You placed them all there to begin with.

Rekindle the desires of my heart. Make me burn inside again.

What do I want to do? I get to choose.

Guide me, Lord.

Show me once again Your vision for our life together, our family, our marriage, and how this particular season comes into play. We are out on the waves now. You are our provider. We are abiding only in You and we love to, but how does that pay the bills?

Honest questions. They don't scare You.

Remind me what it looks like and feels like to burn with desire and passion and vision and confidence in who I am in you.

Remind me.

Let me be led by Your vision and plan.

Unite us once again. Let our hearts burn as one flame in accord with what You're calling us to - now, in this season, along with vision for days to come.

Help us separate the two: today, vs. the future. Show us the steps to take today.

Continue to reveal our hearts to one another.

Allow me, help me, to express my heart boldly and completely.

Needing You so close today, Jesus.

Thank you.

Scriptures to Meditate on When Struggling:

• Psalm 18:6

• Psalm 107 28:32

• Matthew 14:22-32