As usual, when I think I'm teaching my children something, it's me who ends up learning the most. Sharing the tips, tricks and how I grew along the way.
When it comes to potty training, there's tons and tons and tons of advice, multiple methods, and of course a million opinions. I'm just here to share a little honest experience.
I'll never say you need to do it my way...mainly because I did it four different ways.
Which leads me to my first lesson learned:
Every kid is different. There is no "cookie cutter" potty training method that will work perfectly on every single child. (Ephesians 2:10)
Two of my best friends and I all had our first baby within a couple of months of one another. We enjoyed our first time pregnancy journey together, sharing hopes, dreams, ideas and plans. Oh the plans. Ha. So silly.
So when my BFFs were using the "3 Day Bootcamp" potty training method, I naturally, had to use the same thing as them. My friends were experts, of course. First time moms do aaaaaaall the research so we have aaaaaall the answers.
In November of 2012, we had our Bethany, oldest child, lover of rules. Tell her how to do something and she's like "I got this. Get out of my way." Turns out, the 3 Day Bootcamp (3DB) method was indeed perfect for her. When we got rid of her diapers, it was January of 2015, so just a couple months after she turned 2. We had left over stocking candy from Christmas which worked out perfect for our reward system. On day one without diapers, we went through like six pairs of undies in like two hours. It was like a pee-splosion. But then it was over. She pretty much realized what it felt like to need to go, wait to go, and then go on the toilet. Boom. Done.
Then came Libbs. Anybody out there got a second child? You know - the wild one? Our Liberty graced our lives in March of 2014. Tiny little 6 pound 10 ounce bundle of fire. Smiling since the day she was born, she lives for fun. Much like my husband, rules are not of much interest to her. So a structured potty training system like 3DB, wasn't going to be in the picture. I wish I would have realized that at the time. But I had all the answers, remember? Because it came easy to me the first time, that made me an expert of experts. Oh by the way, here comes lesson number two:
Challenge brings growth of character, and teaches us that we can achieve more. (Romans 5:3-4)
So Libby decided she was going to do this when she was good and ready. That meant I just had to learn to be okay with it. My stubborn know-it-all momness wasn't ready to give it up that easily though.
I tried 3DB every few months with Libby starting shortly after she turned 2. Each time she refused to run to the potty no matter how many times I performed the song and dance. Then one day, she just figured it out and it was fine.
She may have been three by then, who knows. Honestly, who cares? Me... I did. At the time. But I learned. I learned that I still have more to learn. I hope I never forget that.
Our first son, Ezekiel was gifted to us in November of 2015. When November 2017 came around, I was pregnant again and sooooo ready to have a break from diapers. So I decided to ignore the information I read about how boys tend to need more time, boys tend to take longer to develop the "feeling" of having to "go". And we went for 3DB again with our sweet boy. Another no-go. This time I didn't really fight it. I told myself I was going to back off, be chill and just let it happen.
My mom kept telling me that no one goes to kindergarten in diapers. Somehow I think that was supposed to help me calm down and realize that it would happen, but my mind turned it into pressure and the idea that I had to make this happen before he turned 5. But he was 2. I am not sure why I thought three years would happen overnight.
Actually, now that he is 5, turns out three years did happen overnight. Huh. Funny how that works. Lesson number three coming right up:
The days take forever, but the years fly by. (Psalm 90:12)
Needless to say, Ezekiel is now potty trained. It took a while and there were certainly times of frustration. We did have two in diapers (again), and we did get through it (again). Eventually he did figure it out. There wasn't a ton of strategy involved, I must admit. I was super exhausted with pregnancy number four and then with our newborn and three other little ones under the age of 6. Consistency wasn't our key in that season. I can't even recall the exact day or even month when he finally ditched the diapers. But he did, and that's all that matters.
Then there was Isaiah. He was our wildcard in every sense. Our first three happened to be born on Monday nights. Isaiah came into the world by way of induction on a Friday afternoon. Our first three were brown-straight-haired Daddy's kids. Isaiah is a blonde curly headed Mama's boy all the way. On our fourth time around, we just seem to be more relaxed in general... I wonder how that happened. We were less stressed about him learning all the things and meeting all the milestones.
Isaiah's potty training strategy was my favorite: we just talked about it. A lot. We had all the other kids talk about it too, which they were more than happy to participate in. We would sit him on the potty so he could "try". Sometimes he wanted to, which we showed lots of excitement about. Sometimes he didn't, which we basically ignored and moved on with life.
There were times when we thought he was really getting it. He would actually use the potty several times in a row so we would put him in undies. Then he'd have an accident. We couldn't explain it and this time we didn't try. Instead, we did something we never did before, we got pull ups.
I had never wanted to use pull ups. I thought for sure it would ruin everything if he could pee or poo in something that he could pull down. How could his brain ever reconcile such a thing? But then I learned lesson number four:
Clinging to "how it has always been" leaves us closed off to growing and learning something new. (Proverbs 1:5)
Isaiah is such an awesome opportunity for us to learn something new. Like, every day. And I honestly regret not parenting all our children this way. Hopefully we will be better going forward, at parenting to their strengths and weaknesses, to their individual needs and levels of understanding.
Pull Ups worked for us with Isaiah. It took so much stress out of the process. They were expensive, but it was fun for him to know the difference between diapers and pull ups. He felt like a big boy wearing them. He loved his undies too, but he did really well with the pull ups. He would still tell us when he had to go potty (sometimes) and use them like undies. Other times he would tell us after he went potty, and there was no mess, which was wonderful. Changing a diaper isn't exactly fun, but changing soiled undies is really not fun. Either way, we were having the conversation every time. We talked about it, we joked about it, we got real with it, and we learned together.
When he turned 3, we switched exclusively. It just clicked. We all just knew that we were all ready. We celebrated victories with treats. We were patient in the accidents that were few and far between. It was just a much more peaceful approach and I would do it this way every time if I could go back.
Now we're done with diapers in our family. Yaaaayyyy. It really does feel like a big deal. The end of an era. The close of a season.
There was a time of mourning and identity crisis during this for me as no longer being able to call myself a mother of babies, but that is another post for another day.
So nothing too earth shattering here, I have no magic wand that will make this process easy for you... no perfect three step program to solve all your potty woes. But I can offer you encouragement and support in knowing that you can trust yourself. You can trust your kid. Just be real and be together and be loved.